ENDometriosis

I decided to wait a bit to write this post. I wanted to wait for a little while, digress and comprehend what has transpired a few weeks ago... It is my general feeling to think a bit before you announce your rage, frustrations or sheer joy because the world can change faster than one would like to admit. There has been many a time, where I- in naive joy or irritated disposition where I share things with the world I shouldn't have as 'it' ( the reason behind my verbal onslaught) and been entirely embarrassed when xyz doesn't pan out. As I get older and life seems to get slightly more complicated - I get a smiiiiiidge more jaded, but I learn! count to 10 before you freak out...... 1    2     3....    grr.

Like I mentioned in the previous post, I won't make this blog about endo, even though it is a huge part of my life. Be assured, however, that while my circumstance is irritating, painful and whatever else-- my life is postive and fun! I am enthusiastic about my future, and what crazy things I have started and this stone does not seem to be gathering moss any time soon ;) I say this, because it can be a bummer when you read the same sad boring shit over and over--- but this I just had to share. With whom? I don't know... designer & decorator friends maybe? My random and amazing twitter followers.... old friends and new, and whoever you are.

gif by naurallycoco 

 Over as week now, I had an incredibly emotional visit with my Surgeon, who has been treating my newly upgraded endometriosis that has found some space in my body, and has snuggled onto some intestines.. . That's my slightly adorable but mostly creepy way to tell you that my condition has been upgraded. If you can even call it "up"graded.... One usually associates the word "up"graded to getting a better room on vacation,  or perhaps getting free bread sticks with your pizza delivery.

Not this time around, this time-- I am hit in the face with some very hard, cold realities. I will try to avoid much blah blah about myself, and my endostory.. But this meeting with my doctor ( whom of which is one if the top in Ontario) has left with me more embittered, frustrated and feeling like almost..... cheated?

Endometriosis is a fickle beast and lots of women have it, to varying degrees and to varying pain levels. It is our modern concept that cramps usually associated with a period, and girls are told to take some hilarious pill like midol, hunker down in your room for a bit and cry until its over- making the next month scary and inevitable, but that's our purpose- some have even said to me that it is a woman's fate to feel THAT much pain...

no.

nuh uh.

If you really believe that, you need to seek a medical professional, or life coach.

WHY the hell is she so pissed you ask? Since I have started this whole shit process of understanding or coping with what reality I was faced with at 19 ( official first diagnosis) I have had 4 options... Take a contraceptive, get the Lupron shot, Have a baby or a hysterectomy .

hahahhahahahahahaha..... no really. 

THIS ARE MY MEDICAL OPTIONS. its been NINE F*ING YEARS. CAN YOU NOT INVEST IN THIS MASSIVE, RADICALLY LIFE ALTERING DISEASE....... anyone?.......... ugh,

                          lovelynothings.wordpress.com                                

My usually lovely doctor was a bit of a dick to me this time around, and insisting I try the pill in order to manage my pain. WHAT? here is the scoop with me and the pill... Ive been taking that freaking little drug since I was 11. Thats right. 11. I stopped taking it around 21, when I gave up believing what I was told, that the pill-- in all of it's doses, variations and colours did not work for me. In fact, sometimes, some pills made me  C R A Z Y

. My second option is a drug called Lupron. Lupron is a nasty shot, that essentially will make me menopausal for 6 months.. and Its a shot once a month- but a person can only take it for 6 months as it drastically zaps the calcium in your body essentially sucking the life out of my bones. Now.... this does work for some women... Lupron Depot is a heavy, intense drug that while it does claim to help with pain.. the side effects are i n s a n e

 

 

look! she dances!... this ad is funny. Read more about the side effects and flurry of non-sense lupron depot. 

this is also a big fat no. hell.. if HEALTH CANADA puts a restriction on this sh!t.. its not going inside me. Also... I am 28. do I care to be menopasual right now? not so much...

Maybe I am stubborn or jaded- don't know really and I can't say I would care if you called me those things. I know what I want to put in my body, and what I don't.... it is so frustrating when you have something like endo, and your told to cope.

I don't want to sound all preachy and $hit or take away from someone else's issue... but it is so infuriation that the medical world really has zero clue about endo and have been circulating the same 'remedies' for a few dozen years at this point. So many women's lives have been drastically altered by the removal of their life giving organs, when we know know that endo doesn't just live there. It does not go away. It will return even if you have zero reproductive organs. This, of course, is case by case.

My Dr. really wanted me to understand that I need to comprehend I have a disease. But made sure to say this disease will not affect the timespan of my life, but it will change my life. .   ..      no shit sherlock. The very bitter part of me stated leaving this appointment, as simply if Endometriosis was a form of a deadly disease we would perceive the disease as being serious, and dedicate time and money to learning and developing answers.  It was like a bad soap opera, with the words " cope with disease" echoing in my head in some terrible montage wearing an outfit entirely made of gold lame , rocking a terrible blow out  and blue eye makeup.

But let me be clear on this... for many women... Endometriosis does end lives, the onslaught of drugs and pills, the indifferent medical world and archaic views on womens menstrual cycle.

I can assure you, dear readers, that I have not taken this process like a complainy wench... Yes I seem a bit curt or angry in this post, but wouldn't you? I mean.... For most of my existance I have had this little dragon living inside my body, and friends, family and employers even had no idea why I was sick so much-- why I would be working away on some display, and the suddenly just fall to the ground like the end of a Ker-plunk marathon. Or why I have to almost become a recluse for two weeks as sitting the wrong way for two long could make me cry......  I am thankful for those people in my life who without question understood my scenario. %80 of the time I am bouncing off walls and always busy... creating work and being an entrepreneur and daredevil....

If anything else.. watch this video. Susan Sarandon speaks at a benefit thrown my Padma Lakshmi of TopChef fame .. two endo  sufferers who have spoken out about the disease.

I have found saviour  in natural paths and professionals who dive deeper into pharmaceutical research...  beyond newest pill that helps with one thing but creates more problems due to side effects. Recently, I have found a group of endo patients who are also speaking out on how this 'issue' should not be seen as a second class disease.... It may not be ravaging bodies and shutting organs down like a cancer would -- but I can promise you, it may as well. The physical toll of constant, nagging pain is similar to what you and emotional stress that comes with endo is debilitating. And I , for one, refuse to let this happen.

To my group of women..... I mentioned I would explain a bit more about how to use a Catsor Oil compress to help with endo... please allow me to share! Below is a list of tools you need to do this castor oil pack.. I don't get as technical and use very little extra cloths or towels.

 

- Castor oil helps the body separate tissues from its host, as any oil would... it has been used in the natural medicine world forever, and even before 'natural-path' became a dirty hippie word. Try this simple method next time you hurt.
- Using castor oil, soak a cloth in the oil or rub on your skin in the area you are focusing on. Don't go crazy with this stuff.. a little goes a long way.
- Next, protect your sofa/bed/clothes by wrapping yourself in saran wrap. or plastic... something that will hold the oil on your body.
- Use a heating source like a hot water bottle or heating blanket and place on top of the saran.. I like to seperate the hot water bottle and my skin with a tea towel... cause you know.. that shit is hot.
- relax. give yourself about 30 minutes, and do it maybe twice a week.

This will provide reflief from pain.. but you are essentially doing this to free your body of the renegade tissue that has put up shop where it doesnt belong.. this will help shed that stuff and make bloating and soreness evaporate... even if its the last few days on your cycle.

See the video below! I chose this video to post for two reasons. 1) the Beatles. 2) its a dude with a fit lil'body. .. heeeellloooooooh.

LONG ASS POST OH-MAH-GAWD-I-KNOOOOW. listen.. thanks for letting me work this out, listening, being there.... not judging... to my endo friends.... <3 <3

Wanderlust : Greek edition.

While at work the other day, I was uploading photos from my blackberry (all 1809 them)
So- do you ever get kinda... that travel itch? where you cannot think of anywhere else, but dropping everything- taking off and GETTING THE F away from winter!!

There i am!

Many moons ago I had the great fortune of touring a place I considered to be my version of heaven- even though this trip was my very first to Greece. I would grab any books or images I ever saw of Greece and stare at them endlessly, feeling some kind of connection to the land.

 

during my time in here, it just so happened that it was during the "fires & flood " in 2009, and this snapshot I took the morning after this crazy flash flood. This clay pot was just kinda.... half buried in the sand washed up on shore. The Disney character in me thought this magical pot had some gift from a Greek god in in, but alas... These pots was as normal as normal can be. ...... sigh.

your staring at Mt. Olympus.

Alonissos is beautiful. STUNNING. this is Eden- I'm not even kidding. truly a hidden gem of the Ionian isles. This is my spot from Nicks Taverna..

  

 Vonti Bay -- like.. is this real?! 

 Chrisi Milla beach

One of the main reasons for a trip, a family wedding. I was lucky to be a part of it. . The air was magical as the soot and smoke still hung lazily in the sky , softening the sunsets to make them like watercolour paintings.  Soot fell from the sky like snowflakes- like some bizarre confetti celebrating the nuptials.

 the property the couple got married on was the brides Aunts... her husband in boats. . . apparently he sells boats made of gold. This house was a stunner, pretty much my dream home. This beautiful blend of indoor and outdoor living in this rustic home and iron details was sooooooooooo pretty. So many plants in pots... and an infinity pool?! Whoa mama. I didn't want to leave. 

Some of the women got together and made the brides arrangements and decor the day before, as I was a date at this wedding and totally not blood family, I was honoured to be asked to join. Also maybe the bride mentioned I make pretty things, and as a modern woman with good taste, I can see how she wanted a bit of youth.. Needless to say poofy, fresh hydrangea and native flora in pinks, purple and green 

My humble camera and I had endless opportunity for incredible pictures. This is the Temple of Posidon.. built on  a cliff to align the light so as the sun sets, you can see it from the temple interior. 

Vistors who come to take in the sheer beauty that is Posiden's view- take a seat somewhere and hush as the sun sets...

 Sunset is over.... Souvlaki time!

Port of Patiri

me, sunset & mount olympius in the backround. Halkidiki

You can see more photos on my Pinterest board

2012.. and we begin!

SO!

I am starting off this blog, this year 2012 with a big ole post from myself. It has been YEARS (not really) since I have posted on my own personal blog, which I have changed from lulu-in-print to lindziarmstrong.blogspot. .... soon enough this will all make sense.

To be honest- I have mixed feelings about writing about myself, and my realities here in this space.... I feel it may be a "coming out" of sorts. A debutante ball of my very own? complete with big eyelashes, warm blinding lights and that eager awkward smile complete with braces and fear. Here I am!

images via telegraph.co.uk

This winter has been one of the scariest times in my life. Scary, but exciting, new, bewildering and sobering. To catch you up to the present, after a long look at my life, future goals and sanity I left a a full time job doing what I love to pursue freelancing , and attempting to begin a life of running a business on my own, in a field with equal parts business & creativity. The process of developing  displayology Toronto has been, and currently nerve racking/fun/ so infuriating. I have had some of the most amazing people from all over the globe believing in my process and artistic ability... that is truly a humbling experience.

Debra Templar of The Templar Group  in Australia has been an the most loving and gracious person I know and I haven't even met her.. of course, as many stories go these days - she reached out to me over twitter and instantly she easily became one my the biggest mentors of my life. Becky from Retail Details blog & Swirl marketing has been another influence- and helping me establish a path and vision, developing my social networking skills...... another amazing person I am lucky to know.  At about the same time, I had started meeting people within the "designy" community whom I have looked up to- had the opportunity to meet, suck in the bits of wisdom , kudos and well----- the occasional swift kick to the gut... Influential individuals and twitter friends and work colleagues ( and haterz.... psssht.) alike giving me strength to run..... like RRRRUUUUNNNNN and JUMP  off that ledge called financial secuirty and hustle!! I am both energized and terrified...

After many brain cramps and wine bottles later - ( don't judge )  my eyes blurry and a bit glassy I see my website come to life, a blog appear and then I took a breath and click 'pay now' over paypal and boom.. displayologyToronto is borne. My blog is on hold-- and we wait as the lines and coding become one. IIIEEEEE!!

now. as this amazingness happens and I am literally vibrating with fear and joy.. I am hit with heaviest walls ever. Literally. poof. I am faced yet again with a rigorous battle uphill battle with Endometriosis.

I have been dealing with endo for a long, long time. Some of you may not know what this disease is, and some of you will- some of you may even know me , or other women who suffer from endo will know exactly what it is-.  So, after a surgery or two I am being told its intestinal, and have some serious life choices to make over the next little while. Now, I am not a baby or a whimp.... - In fact I thank fate a bit for my circumstance on how strong and determined I have become. I can put it on the shelf, and move forward... but damn! hurts like hell sometimes. Im talking.... labour contraction pain. almost. every. month.

                                                           fuck that.

I am talking about it here , to vent, to discuss, to open communication. Endometriosis haunts a lot of people woman, and those who love them. In this blog, in fact..... like I mentioned earlier, This blog is not connected to my darling displayology- but is a more personal & day to day look at this artist & stylist.. This .... 16 year war with my internal struggle is a way for me to shed just a smidge of light on this disease, as many woman & girls suffer but have no clue. Modern medicine -- for whatever reason-- has not found a cause, nor cure to this reproductive disorder and immune deficiency  that leaves many desperate and irritated. More often that not, a hysterectomy was the only route to salvation and that is only if you are past your 'child bearing career'. Hell - its not even in spell check. But econometricians is?!  

what the f is that? child bearing career? way to make me PANIC over the idea some more, doc!                               Nothing like saying having kids is essentially a thankless job where you put more money in that out, steals away your energy and soul.... oh yeh. TOTALLY makes me wanna bear a soccer team.  whatevs... another time.... 

As I ebb and flow into the world of visual display..... hustlin', developing a client base and becoming more and more excited when I have questions or inquires on an international basis ( which maybe has happened 4 times ... whatever) The only bummer is.... not having access to my blog while everything gets programmed. I had a very advantageous 12 days of trends post that came to a screeching halt due to site programming..... and when the sits launches ( very soon!!!! ) it will resume.

So, who the hell am I if you don't follow me on twitter, or pinterest already ( which you should, ps ) I am a visual artist.. I guess.. if you were to stick a label on my head and package me with saran-wrap and a styro plate. But I merchandise and create vignettes, displays, props... paint murals and artwork, concepts and weird... "out of the box" ideas.  As over used as 'out of the box" is, that is essentially how I can be explained... ideas big and small- i turn the drab into fab, boring spaces into magical ones.

 

 

try to explain that to a half deaf Irish grandma...... "ok thats nice Petal (nickname), but what how do you get money"..  umm.... welll..... ever heard of starving artist, Nan?

So,  why is any of this in a blog, now? why are you reading it? I don't know... i really don't. But this will be my heart and soul. Inspiring and uncensored... paintings, craftings, thoughts.... every'ting.

and photos.

So! among SO MANY OTHER THINGS HAPPENING... that I can't share yet, some I want to divulge and discuss, projects I am working on and displays I am making.... And the $hit that I did do... and developing that skin to that magical thing that happens to prop artists & stylists like me (coughbullshitpeoplecough) -------> So! this was the quick and dirty on what the story is, and whats new.. okay maybe not crazy quick.. partially readable ....... <3

Much Love,

Lindzi

have i mentioned i paint?

have i mentioned i paint? i mean- seldom do i really 'paint'. in my head i am constantly procuring new ideas and inspirations, getting annoyed with shitty generic art from every store ever. It pains me that retailers do not commit to buying paintings from artists themselves. Lets represent people!

I see tons of gaphic-design art in retail stores- with badly faded lines and obvious pixilation- and so many artists on and so many struggle to be noticed. Retailers have a much to gain by bringing in origional art from local artisans. The store becomes a destination- a destination for beautiful,genuine and authentic pieces where the the worth of items reflect the value- and suddenly your shop becomes a home for fine artisan pieces and end with low quality mass produced items that only turn into logistical nightmare when flawed and need to be returned.




Okay okay thats enough i will stop lecturing and show you some goods. I needed some art of above my sofa, a colour I loath -mink- but with wall paint i love - grey mink- irony??!! so i needed life in this funky country house, and used orange blue and my favorite, white. I felt abstract was the key here as the wall was huge and i didnt want it to be the end all to the room... i wanted it to a big-quiet-statement.

wrap your head around that!



look at the sofa. impossible colour- u think its easy but oh hell it aint.



I had fun with this- playing with molding paste and think acrylic art.

to close, a corner view. ps thgat lotion is amazing.


tell me what you think!

HELLO KITTENS

ok. its been a long time... i know. I have lots to catch you up on- not to mention my hilarious cluelessness when trying to work on this blogs layot and design. I get stuck on the look of this blog then the actual content- but i know better. i know that content is what keeps people coming back. I have lots of content to tell you about and show you, its just a matter of having the confidance to do so.



I am catching up over the long weekend ( yay Victoria Day! ) and enjoying the pure bliss of doing nothing. Playing excessive amounts of video games and dedicating my day to sweatpants. hell yes.

There is lots going on in my head lately-- all things to share when i get more organized. I want so much to have a 'plan' like... a BIG plan from 5 years from now. But like.. the people to help back me up with said plan. I am a horrible commiter: ie. i promise myself i would save money evvvvery month. do i? nada. but i keep saying i should!!

I love my house.

I am not at work yet, i like this. Mid morning rollin on in ready take on the day. More importantly i have to stay late and do a trainging... seminar... thing on the glory of merchandising. Hello Dolly.

sometimes i wish i had a more clever name like dolly, just so i could call this blog 'hello dolly'. instead i use an ancient nickname i have had, which is one of the most popular small dog names on this past mutherfucking century.

I have been so aggresive lately. My brain, my thoughts... my everything. maybe. i dont know. maybe its the excessive coffee i drink and the on the go attitude i have. I am like a train in the night, i might be slow getting started but i pursue steady on base. However. this is all fine and dandy but i have like zero start up energy. SO much shit is always flying in my head- i can only craft so much. my work for instance.. i am very lucky i get to design and be a part of marketing in a creative way and be a one woman enterprise when it comes to transforming retail. I so often think why dont i just consult? work on my own, for myself. I have the drive

ex: i have/had a cake business. The painted cake. A sculptor and painter by passion and school it was an easy thing for me. My last job cause me to be a broke ass so i said.. u know what- this is what i am going to do. I charged ppl a joke so i could mess around and next thing you know i have two orders a weekend for 6 months. didnt make any $$ fromit really. but the base was there i just needed more. My dad even bought be a bunch of tools. He is an entrepreneur. and fucking successful to boot. my mother too. but my life gets busy. everyones does. oh for the endless persuit to get paid.

I used to paint all the time. My first job out of college was painting murals full time until it nearly broke my arm off. I had to find another way out... anyother way i could make money and be the business and brand i want without having to re-do school and shit. I didnt want to start at A. im done with point A. Im at like... fucking W. So i re-configure yet again and persue.

so early.

its waaaaay to early to be awake. i thought i would say hello. i have all the intentions to go to the AGO today and get all inspired. but for now, im going to say hello to mr belvedere and think about going back to sleep. I also have the murals from work to deal with. but that can wait till tomorrow. At least i prioritize my procrastination